The
Blending of the Elements
Marriage
& the Law
From
Paper to Platinum
Birthstones
Read
the Right Book
Catholic
Weddings
Hindu
Weddings
The Art
of Gifting
The
Lighter Side of Weddings
Beauty
and the Bride
Grooming
the Groom
Marriage
Customs in Goa
Budget
Checklist
Marriage
Customs in Goa
The first step if you want to get married in Goa is the
act of the proposal or the utor. Among the agricultural
communities and other labouring castes the encounter
takes place in the early hours of the morning. Among the
wealthy it takes place late evening.
The ultimate proposal is worded in a very poetic manner,
as in a typical Kunbi community.
Says the boy's family to the girl's ( it is always the
boy's family that has to ask for the girl's hand in
marriage in the Catholic community), 'We have smelt the
perfume of a sweet flower in your garden. We have come to
ask for it.' Replies the girl's family: 'In that case you
may take this fire stick and enter the house.' The fire
stick is a symbol that they are in favour of the match.
After the utor begins a long series of dos and don'ts,
well after the day of the marriage. The betrothal is
sealed when the bridegroom sends the gift of fulam
(flowers and sweets). These are to be distributed to the
neighbours.
The bride then gets her denem (trousseau) ready. She
takes with her several items in sets of seven each. That
makes seven towels, pillowcases, bedsheets,
handkerchiefs, nightgowns and even seven undergarments.
Seven is thought to suffice her for a very long time.
The saddo takes place a few days before the wedding. It
is the name of the dress and the ceremony of cutting and
sewing the dress. Saddo is to be worn on the first day
after the marriage. It has to be red in colour or red and
white. All neighbours gather and the professional ovio
(songs of praise) singers are called in. The tailor sews
the dress while the women sing in the background. There's
coconut cake and tea to go around for everybody. The
people leave a tip for the tailor on their way out.
Both the families have a bhuim jevonn before the
wedding. This is a ritual meal in honour of the
ancestors. All kith and kin have to be present for
this meal. In the well-to-do Catholic houses today it
goes by the name of bikariam jevonn, (meal for the poor).
It has taken the form of a charity luncheon for the poor,
as ancestor worship is regarded as
a
pre-christian tradition.
However, the poor are asked to pray for all the family's
ancestors. A couple of days before the wedding is the
ceremony of chuddo.These are the bangles worn by the
bride for her marriage. The bangle seller is brought in,
and with friends and neighbours singing ovios in the
background, the bride downs 30 green and red bangles, 15
on each hand. Green stands for fertility and red for a
married life. Traditionally married women had to wear
glass bangles throughout their life. They had to be
broken on the coffin of the husband.
The bridegroom's family has the privilege of asking for
an ojem; a gift of several sweetmeats and bananas, from
the bride's family. These are later distributed to
neighbours and relatives.
The kunbi traditionally held group marriages a couple of
days before the Mell, the spring festival which is today
merged with Carnival. Between 25 to 30 couples got
married. The entire village would resound with the
ghumots (earthen drum) and dulpods. A day before the
marriage, the bride's toilette begins. The ros is a
ritual where the bride is ceremoniously massaged with
coconut juice. It is meant to make the skin smooth and
soft. A large bowl is placed before the bride, who sits
in the bathing room. Each relative drops a coin in the
juice, takes a palm full and massages the bride. When all
the juice is over, the woman who had ground it gets the
money.
The bride has to fast on the day of the wedding. Once she
steps out of the house, turning back to take a look is
considered taboo. If she drops a kerchief or her purse,
she should not retrieve it either. She gets another
one if it is at hand. The items are left to the devil who
might have gone with the bride, had she picked them up.
Before proceeding to the church or temple the bride goes
to her immediate neighbours for their blessings. After
the wedding reception is over (which is usually late in
the night), the vorr or the bride's marriage party and
the bridegroom's family see each other off at the shim or
border of the village. This is known as the
portonem.
Both parties draw an imaginary line across the road with
the foot. One male representive from either family stands
on each side of the line, and snaps a blade of grass in a
mock tug of war. Each one throws a glass of feni on
either side of the shim for the guardian spirits and have
a sangvonn for the guardian spirits and ancestors
seeking their protection for the newly wed couple and
their families.
The parties then vend their way home to the
drumming of ghumots and dulpods and singing of
ovios all the way, but not before the men have had their
'one for the road'.
The saddo or the dress to be worn on the first night
should not be washed by the bride. She should leave it in
the wash bucket with a currency note tied to the skirt.
The first relative who chooses to wash the dress gets the
tip.
On the third day the new son-in-law is invited for lunch
at his in-laws house. It is his first visit. The party
includes the bridal couple and their relatives and
friends. It is customary for the son-in-law and his
friends to lift off any item that they like, provided it
is small enough not to be noticed. This is a joke played
on the bride's family.
As soon as the bridegroom's party leaves, the bride's
family gets busy trying to find out what is missing -- a
hand mirror, an ash tray, a cell torch, a crystal wine
glass, or probably your favourite perfume! As a tradition
you cannot ask for the things back. But the generous
sons-in-law of today religiously return all items after a
day's suspense and a good laugh.
By Bernadette Gomes